Every other journalist in the United States has sounded off on David Beckham’s arrival in Major League Soccer, so we shouldn’t have been too surprised to see his name pop up in this week’s edition of Dr. Z’s NFL Mailbag at SI.com. And considering nearly every old-guard sportswriter has denigrated Beckham, MLS, the sport, or all three, we shouldn’t have been surprised by Dr. Z’s decision to do so, too.
But does that mean it’s too much to ask that a writer of Dr. Z’s experience have at least an understanding of irony?
Here’s the good doctor’s take on Becks’ arrival:
[F]rom Jonas of San Francisco comes this question that all Americans must take seriously:
“Should the NFL be worried about MLS as competition now that Beckham has arrived? I mean, they do have a team in L.A., which the NFL can’t seem to do.”
You’re almost right there, Jonas. Except that the place they have chosen in which to showcase the Big B is Carson, Calif. And didn’t you read how the crowd of 27,000 in the Home Depot Center absolutely went wild, even though his team, the Galaxy, lost, 1-0.
“They got drilled,” My Flame Queen said. OK, honey. Let’s remember who tells the jokes around here. The serious part is that Hollywood turned out in a big way. I can see it now.
“Driver … driver … I believe you’ve driven right by Carson. We told you to turn right at the Plumbing Supplies sign.”
OK, ha ha, let’s get serious. Threatening to immediately eclipse Beckham in popularity is the Chicago Fire’s Cuauhtémoc Blanco, whose attributes, according to the AP report of his debut against Celtic AC Sunday, were his “stutter-step dribbles, change of direction and uncanny backward passes.”
OK, so only 15,719 showed up in Bridgeview, Ill., at Toyota Park, but that’s almost capacity, isn’t it?
“Toyota Park?” Linda says. “You think NFL players are tough enough to play a game in a car lot?” That does it. Time to move on.
While we were under the impression that the Los Angeles Galaxy playing in Carson, California, (or the Chicago Fire playing in Bridgeview, Illinois, or the FC Dallas playing in Frisco, Texas, or the New England Revolution playing in Foxborough, Massachusetts, or the New York Red Bulls playing in East Rutherford, New Jersey) was comparable to the New York Jets and New York Giants playing in East Rutherford (or the Dallas Cowboys playing in Irvin, Texas, or the Washington Redskins playing in Landover, Maryland, or the New England Patriots playing in Foxborough).
We must have been mistaken.
And then there’s the Toyota Park jab. Being fans of England’s Premier League, we’ve read more than our share of jokes about the names of MLS stadiums in the English press. (For what it’s worth, Dallas’ Pizza Hut Park, the Galaxy’s Home Depot Center and the Colorado Rapids’ Dicks Sporting Goods Park all attract much more ridicule than Chicago’s Toyota Park.) It’s certainly ironic that a nation that sees nothing funny about shirt-sponsors and turns a blind eye toward tradition-rich grounds like the Reebok Stadium, Emirates Stadium, and the JJB Stadium, amongst others, would find MLS’ corporate-themed stadiums hilarious.
And it’s doubly ironic for Dr. Z to take issue with Toyota Park given that he makes his living writing about athletes who play at [pause for deep breath] Qwest Field, Monster Field, McAfee Coliseum, Invesco Field, Qualcomm Stadium, Reliant Stadium, the Edward Jones Dome, the RCA Dome, Ford Field, Heinz Field, LP Field, Raymond James Stadium, Bank of America Stadium, FedEx Stadium, M&T Bank Stadium, Lincoln Financial Field, Gillette Field, and (we saved the best for last) the University of Phoenix Stadium [and exhale].
Perhaps next week’s mailbag will explain the inherent comedic value of ‘Toyota Park’. Or maybe The Flaming Redhead can simply give us a hilarious one-liner about each corporate stadium. That would be enough material for a whole column.
(And, yes, the question that prompted Dr. Z’s take on MLS was ridiculous. We love the league and the sport, but MLS doesn’t compete with the NFL. Major League Baseball and the National Basketball Association don’t compete with the NFL. It’s simply in a league of its own.)
